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Cry For Love and Respect!

By Afshan Rajab

“My son left me here two years ago, as I was suffering from tuberculosis; he had a fear that my disease will affect his children and he could not bear the expense of treatment. He forgot those days and sleepless nights, when he was young and became sick. I cared for him; I starved for days and days to save money for his treatment and to give him adequate nutrition. I never left him alone, not for a single day but he left me here for lifetime at the mercy of others.”

The shrilling voice of that mother named “Aamna”, residing in senior citizen home, still vibrates in my mind and makes me uncomfortable. Her eyes were filled with tears and were verbalizing many silent feelings. She was not alone in her pain and rejection; many parents who were residing in senior citizen homes had similar fate.

Aamna also shared that many elderly residing in senior citizen home felt that “There is no one to whom I can share my thoughts and feelings, even in presence of so many people, I feel alone and helpless.” She said that we all pray to God to hasten our end. She also verbalized that “Your family and friends are with you, till you are capable of doing something for them. Once you are weak or unable to do work, they will leave you. No one becomes part of your sorrow.”
The concept of senior citizen home emerged from western culture, in early 1900, where people mostly love independence; as they don’t want to be dependent on others.

There could be two perspectives of existence of senior citizen homes. One people could take its advantage for getting rid of their responsibilities towards their elderly. On the other hand, elderly who don’t have children or other relatives to take care, they could take help from these senior citizen homes, also elderly who needs proper nursing care and assistance for activities could take help from these centers.

Many of the parents residing in senior citizen homes were abused and tortured by their children and were forced to leave their homes, and then ultimately they have to take help from these senior citizen homes. The study conducted by Department of human development and family studies in (2007) showed that 60% of elderly resides in senior citizen homes because of negligence and rejection by their family members and 67% elderly left their houses as they don’t want to be a burden on their family.

Children who are now becoming professionals in the modern sense of the word, think that they are master of everything but they forget that when they could not walk, who made them learn how to walk? When they could not eat, who fed them? When they could not speak, who understood what they wanted? When they could not protect themselves, who kept them away from harm? When they fell at every step of life, who gave them confidence to stand up and try again? Now, when their parents need them, they ask that what you have done for us? We have achieved everything on our own. When children are young and became sick parents take away their pain by keeping them closer, but when parents become old and sick; children keep them away and elevate their pain. Children are so busy in the rat race of their achievements that they don’t want to take responsibilities of their elders. Children think that parents will get food and shelter in senior citizen home, what else they want in their life. These things provide comfort to their physical life but soul remains hungry for the love of their children.

These circumstances have great impact on psychological health of old age people. According to Department of family resource management (2009) some of the psychological problems faced by elderly are loneliness, sadness, and guilt that there is some mistake in their upbringing of children, feelings of social isolation, and negative perception about self.

These all feelings end up in depression and heart disease which decrease the quality of life.

Elderly people residing in senior citizen homes get food for their physical health but no one looks at their unmet psychological needs. They need love and affection from their children and loved ones, but instead they receive curse words and rejection. They only ask question from themselves that “What was our sin for which we are getting this punishment?”

Being a nurse, I have encountered many old age people, many of them who have been discharge from hospital, require proper nursing care for management of their disease like Stroke (Falij). Many a times family requests for information about centers where they can admit their elderly for proper management. We, nurses, as work for the health promotion of patient can suggest better nursing homes where proper nursing care will be provided to elderly. We can teach staff in senior citizen homes interventions like group activities to decrease the feeling of social isolation. They can introduce some leisure activities like gardening, sewing, painting, writing and other small chores. These activities will gave them self confidence that they are still capable of doing something and this will also work as a financial aid. These small interventions can prevent elderly from loneliness and isolation and give them a hope to live.

The parents in the old age are like newborn babies, they want their children to be around them and help them at every step of life as they have done when their children were young.

The cry of Aamna for love and respect from her children “I want to share my feelings with my children, I want to be cared. My eyes are still open and filled with hope that my children will come to take me back to home. This hope will remain in my heart till last breath of my life.”