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Family Tale

By: Babar Islam (Karachi)

One of many people’s main life goal is to marry the first person they fall in love with, live happily ever after, and skip happily away to live the heaven dream. However, many married couples quickly find themselves turning to divorce as an answer, to ending the fairy tale they had once dreamed. Many people would ask “why” the perfect couple would choose such a negative ending to their once happy marriage. In some cases, many couples have to question their own motives for divorce. Although there are many alternate routes to fix the simplest problems that may occur in a marriage. For some, simple does not always mean easy. It is certain that the cause of divorce varies from couple to couple, yet lack of communication, money and children, is among the most common causes of divorce.

Lack of communication in a marital relationship is one of the most common causes of divorce. When there is lack in communication, problems cannot be solved easily. Many couples do not give importance to discuss minor matters but do not think that it can increase the communication gap among them. Both fail to realize the importance of discussing and sharing ideas. Lack of communication also affects the decision making of household circumstances. Many couples lack communication when it comes to making decisions for their children. When one spouse does not agree with a decision made by the other one, then an argument can occur, and result by one or both parties sharing a feeling of resentment against other. Failure to discuss daily issues results in strains on the marital relationships. It is common for many couples to focus themselves to the distractions of everyday life, therefore leaving very little time for communication. This can cause marital problems to be overlooked. Thus these originate problems in the marital relationship and often unresolved conflicts due to of lack in communication ends up with divorce.

Another common cause of divorce is money. Many people say, “Money is the root of all evil,” as in a marriage it can be the root of all problems. Money is needed to fulfill the necessities of life but can be the cause of problems as well. When one spouse makes all of the financial decisions, and the other spouse does not agree with the decisions then conflicts can occur between two of them. Financial responsibility can be another factor for strain in marital relationship. Financial obligations that accompany the birth of a child can cause conflict between two, when they are not financially prepared for the increase in financial responsibility, which a couple gains when having children. This financial responsibility can affect the marriage drastically, when what seemed to be enough for the two, is not enough to provide for a family. For many married couples, an over spending of funds by one or both partners can occur. This situation can put the couples in trouble. It causes conflicts among them. No matter how much love that two people have for one another, it takes money to live a normal life. Lack of money can cause conflict in a marriage, sometimes escalating in intense arguments, and resulting in divorce.

In our culture, similar to most of the Asian communities, having children is an essential part of a stable marital relationship. Children, either sons or daughter, are important for the parents or couples but more importance is given to sons. They are considered to be earning members. Therefore, failure to have son puts the females in trouble. Infertility is another cause of strain on marital relationships. Childless women or women having only daughters are not merely socially stigmatized but might face consequences such as economic deprivation and marital disruption. Moreover, these women are being verbally and physically abused. These consequences, together with feelings of guilt, worthlessness and low self-esteem for being infertile, affect her mental, physical, social well being and lead to another marriage or divorce.

In conclusion, no matter what the reason, divorce may never be easy. According to Anwar “divorce according to Islam can be effective only when all efforts- of reconciliation are exhausted”. Many couples fail to realize that a lack of communication, money, and children, are among the most common causes of divorce. I would like to recommend that couples should discuss even small issues among themselves to resolve them easily. Money is necessary to fulfill the needs but should be prioritized according to needs and finances with discussion. Many people say “cut your coat according to your clothe”. In our culture the female is always blamed for not having children but cause could be male too. Therefore media can also play an important role by awareness programmes to overcome divorce. I am also recommending that educational parental session must be conducted through media. Anwar emphasized that “increase the educational level to reduce the divorce rate”.